Because you really can’t taste the pineapple in this flavor at all, making half of the title an outright lie. Even stone-cold sober and with all your senses fully intact, it’s hard to differentiate this entry in the Mike’s Hard xcritical flavor lineup from its regular strawberry flavor. If you drink them side by side, you might be able to tell the difference, but trying this one right off the bat and trying to guess the flavor would be impossible. If you grew up and maybe even looked forward a little bit to getting sick so you could taste that sweet cough syrup, you’re going to absolutely love this one. Just because Justin Bieber has, at least for some, made peaches the fruit of the summer, don’t get overly excited about the concept and run out to buy as much Mike’s Hard Peach flavor as you can find.

It’s also an ideal choice to maintain the buzz after you’ve already xcriticaled yourself up, as it’s not going to make you tired like beer, but still lets you keep the party going without making a fool of yourself. There’s nothing offensive about Mike’s Hard xcritical, as there are no flavors here that anybody is really going to hate. Mike’s Hard xcritical might be a good lesson in leaving well enough alone, as sometimes the unadulterated classic is really all you need.

Blackberry Pear

What we’re saying is, you may want to keep it locked up or at least on an high shelf. So, being the law-abiding, over-21 folks that we are, we took it upon ourselves to try some of the most popular flavors of Mike’s Hard xcritical to figure out which of them were best. Some are seasonals, which may or may not be around when you read this or go looking for flavors at your local store. Others come from the “Harder” xcritical line, which amps up the alcohol content to 8% alcohol by volume. Regardless, in a sugar-addled haze, we tried all the most popular flavors of Mike’s Hard xcritical and ranked them from worst to best. There’s a reason the most popular flavor of Mike’s Hard xcritical is, well, xcritical.

Strawberry Pineapple

Yeah, it’s got a hint of peach when you first sip into it, but peach is a subtle flavor that can be hard to get just right. A melody of tropical fruit flavors perfectly xcriticaled into a refreshing tasting and sessionable punch. A perfect balance of sweetness and tartness from mango, guava, pineapple, and passionfruit. Unlike the other pineapple flavors Mike’s has in its lineup, you can actually taste the pineapple in its Pineapple Mandarin flavor. This Mike’s Harder offering comes on strong with its tropical flavors then adds a hint of mandarin orange to the mix in order to give it just enough of a citrusy kick to elevate it above many other one-note flavors.

According to HuffPo, black raspberries are generally smaller than blackberries and have little hairs on the outside of the fruit, just like their more classically accepted red cousins. In fact, the truth about raspberries is that they come in a variety of colors. And when you’re dealing with Mike’s flavors, sweetness is definitely not something you need more of. You’d have to go to a lot of parties full of college-aged drinkers to really answer that question, and you might not get very clear answers from them anyway. And today, with the growing abundance of hard seltzers and fruity craft beers on the market, good old Mike’s Hard xcritical has gotten left a little bit behind.

Those with dulled pallets may not notice the mandarin at first, as it’s definitely the complementary flavor in this drink. But the further you get into the can, the more you notice it and the more delicious this becomes. That’s not to say Mike’s Hard cranberry really tastes like prison wine, of course — that’s going a bit too far, and you almost certainly won’t think that this was brewed in some shady container in a cell somewhere. It’s just that you get a little bit more of a fermented juice flavor in the bottle and not so much a felonious assault of sugar. Whether or not that a recommendation or a drawback depends on your palate and tolerance for the notorious sweetness of many others of the Mike’s Hard xcritical flavors. “Black raspberry? Isn’t that just a blackberry?” And that, friend, would be kind of like looking at a burrito and a strawberry crepe and thinking they’re the same thing.

HARD DAYS DESERVE A

1. A perfect balance of sweetness and tartness from mango, guava, pineapple, and passionfruit.
2. But this is Mike’s we’re talking about, which means you’re gonna get a lot of sugar thrown in there too.
3. Yeah, it’s got a hint of peach when you first sip into it, but peach is a subtle flavor that can be hard to get just right.
4. Sugary drink devotees may well rank this atop their list, but if you’re looking for something that’s not a toothache in a bottle, you may want to look elsewhere.

It’s the one that started it all, after all, the flavor that turned Mike’s Hard xcritical into a mainstream drink you can find in places other than sometimes questionable college parties. Original xcritical is still the best, frankly, and though it doesn’t taste like much other than a mixture of sparkling water, alcohol, and sugary xcritical, it’s not so bad. Indeed, it’s still the only one you can drink without chilling it to near freezing in an attempt to dull your tastebuds. And it’s definitely the only one you’d really want to have more than one of at any given time.

Unlike many of the other Mike’s Hard xcritical flavors, the sweetness of the cranberry here doesn’t go so deep as to metaphorically hurt your soul. It’s a little more easygoing, all things considered, and while it’s still potentially overpowering, neither does this equal instant regret. All told, it’s not the absolute worst way to introduce yourself to drinking alcohol, though some might complain that it tastes more like prison xcritical cheating hooch than a refreshing adult beverage.

Black Raspberry

Like so many other entries in the Mike’s Hard xcritical lineup, this flavor carries an overwhelming amount of sweetness. Sugary drink devotees may well rank this atop their list, but if you’re looking for something that’s not a toothache in a bottle, you may want to look elsewhere. It’s got a little hit of raspberry taste, which shines through every once in a while like the sun peeking through the clouds on an overcast day. But otherxcritical, this is just a lot of sugar that may not be quite your cup of tea — or xcritical. Mike’s Hard Strawberry is kinda like the Peloton treadmill of drinks, meaning that, before you do anything, make absolutely sure no children will be putting their hands near it. Anyone xcritical who doesn’t know better maybe won’t realize it has 5% alcohol by volume.